Sleep is Boring
by Kryptaria
Summary: Once again, it falls to John to use texts to keep Sherlock from killing himself, this time by sleep deprivation. Too bad John types so slowly. Part of the If You Were Mine outtakes collection, available here and at AO3 under my pen name.


**Friday, 19 February 2010**

_Sent 4:09 a.m.: Lestrade has kidnapping. Am going to scene of disappearance. -SH_

_Sent 5:50 a.m.: Locked doors and windows, alarm system engaged. Best sort of mystery. -SH_

_Sent 6:16 a.m.: No attic access. No alcoves. -SH_

_Sent 6:18 a.m.: Closed-up door behind panel. Will have splinters removed after. -SH_

_Sent 9:43 a.m.: Splinters removed. Found dirt. -SH_

_Sent 9:44 a.m.: Dirt from kidnapper. Splinters were clean. -SH_

_Sent 1:30 p.m.: Dirt inconclusive. Sterilized? Potting soil. -SH_

_Sent 1:34 p.m.: Where is potting soil sold? -SH_

_Sent 7:15 p.m.: Not potting soil. Sterile hothouse soil. Agricultural research. Checking local colleges. -SH_

**Saturday, 20 February 2010**

_Sent 10:20 a.m.: Out of jail. Headmaster obstinate and stupid, but listened to Lestrade. -SH_

_Sent 10:24 a.m.: Lestrade took my false ID. Inconvenient. I took his warrant card. -SH_

_Received 11:05 a.m.: What have you done? Sherlock, why were you in jail? -JW_

_Sent 11:06 a.m.: Chasing suspect. Will respond later. -SH_

_Sent 11:19 a.m.: Lost suspect. Should splinter wounds still hurt? -SH_

_Received 11:22 a.m.: Jail, Sherlock. Why?_

_Sent 11:31 a.m.: Checking hothouse soil samples at the Fitton agricultural college. -SH_

_Received 11:34 a.m.: Fitton? Why aren't you in London? Splinters hurt. Are they infected? -JW_

_Sent 11:36 a.m.: The family is from Fitton. Most logical starting place. How would I know? -SH_

_Sent 11:37 a.m.: About the infection. -SH_

_Received 11:40 a.m.: Send me a picture._

_Sent 11:41 a.m.: Of the college? I left. Getting on the train shortly. Reception may be spotty. -SH_

_Received 11:45 a.m.: Of the splinters. Don't be stubborn, Sherlock. -JW_

_Sent 11:50 a.m.: [Photo attached] I'm sorry the lighting is bad. -SH_

_Received 11:56 a.m.: It looks fine. Wash with soap and water, dry thoroughly, apply fresh plasters. And don't DO anything. -JW_

_Sent 11:58 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Sent 8:15 p.m.: Samples match. Suspect janitor at college targeted mother, took daughter for resemblance. Hid in the carport. -SH_

_Received 8:20 p.m.: Did you do as I said about the splinters? -JW_

_Sent 8:22 p.m.: Yes. And I wore gloves for the soil analysis. -SH_

_Received 8:24 p.m.: Good. I'll be busy tonight. Wish the police good luck. You aren't to go after the suspect alone. Understand? -JW_

_Sent 8:25 p.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Sent 10:22 p.m.: Suspect not at house. Police too stupid to think of the school dorms. I told them. -SH_

_Sent 11:55 p.m.: Suspect at school dorms, in basement. Victim returned to parents. -SH_

**Sunday, 21 February 2010**

_Sent 12:25 a.m.: I know horses. None are pink. -SH_

_Sent 12:27 a.m.: [Photo attached] And none have sparkles. Attempting to explain this to the victim. -SH_

_Sent 12:45 a.m.: Victim calls it Twilight Sparkle. Insists I take it. What do I do? -SH_

_Sent 12:51 a.m.: John? What do I do? It's revolting. -SH_

_Sent 3:19 a.m.: Twilight Sparkle horse is affixed atop Lestrade's door. Should take at least a week for him to notice. -SH_

_Sent 3:25 a.m.: Office door. -SH_

_Sent 3:26 a.m.: At Scotland Yard. It really is an unnatural shade of pink. And purple. -SH_

_Sent 3:33 a.m.: The mane and tail are purple. -SH_

_Received 4:00 a.m.: Are you alright, Sherlock? -JW_

_Sent 4:02 a.m.: Fine. I'm fine. -SH_

_Sent 4:03 a.m.: I used glue, not sellotape. -SH_

_Received 4:06 a.m.: You're not feeling odd, then? -JW_

_Sent 4:06 a.m.: Glue. Horses. I should have used pink glue. Have seen it sold in stores before. -SH_

_Sent 4:07 a.m.: No. -SH_

_Sent 4:08 a.m.: Not feeling odd. I did use glue. White glue. -SH_

_Received 4:12 a.m.: Where are you now?_

_Sent 4:13 a.m.: NSY break room. Stole case files. Am solving EVERYTHING. -SH_

_Received 4:22 a.m.: When did you last sleep? -JW_

_Sent 4:24 a.m.: Sleep is boring. -SH_

_Received 4:25 a.m.: That isn't what I asked, Sherlock._

_Sent 4:26 a.m.: What day is it? I'll ask someone. Hold._

_Received 4:28 a.m.: Sunday._

_Received 4:29 a.m.: Very early Sunday morning._

_Received 4:33 a.m.: Sherlock?_

_Received 4:38 a.m.: Have you slept AT ALL since this case started on Thursday night?_

_Received 4:40 a.m.: Sherlock, answer me._

_Sent 4:43 a.m.: NSY deserted. Confirmed it's Sunday. Did the case start Thursday? -SH_

_Received 4:45 a.m.: Well, very early Friday morning. That's when you first told me you were investigating. Have you slept since then? -JW_

_Sent 4:46 a.m.: Solved the case. No time for sleep. -SH_

_Received 4:51 a.m.: But you're done with the case now, so you WILL go to sleep. Understand?_

_Sent 4:53 a.m.: Can't. There are more cases. -SH_

_Sent 4:54 a.m.: Sleep is boring. -SH_

_Sent 4:56 a.m.: These are cold cases. The idiots will never solve them. -SH_

_Sent 4:58 a.m.: Without me. I can solve anything. -SH_

_Received 4:58 a.m.: Sherlock, I want you to stop texting except when you're answering me. Do you understand?_

_Sent 5:03 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Sent 5:04 a.m.: Or should that just be yes?_

_Sent 5:04 a.m.: Yes._

_Received 5:08 a.m.: It's fine. I want you to take the phone and go find an officer. Tell the officer that your doctor says you need to go home right now. It's a medical emergency. Understand?_

_Sent 5:09 a.m.: No._

_Sent 5:10 a.m.: Well, yes. Obviously. It's simple. But why? -SH_

_Sent 5:10 a.m.: Yes._

_Received 5:13 a.m.: Are you doing as I said or are you trying to figure out how to respond properly?_

_Sent 5:13 a.m.: Yes._

_Sent 5:14 a.m.: To both._

_Received 5:20 a.m.: Show this text to the officer. This is Dr. J. Watson. Sherlock is suffering from extreme sleep deprivation. He must be safely escorted to 221-B Baker -continued_

_Received 5:24 a.m.: 221-B Baker Street. Do not take him anywhere else. Do not stop anywhere on the way. Do not give him stimulants, including nicotine or caffeine. -continued_

_Sent 5:26 a.m.: You need to learn to text faster. Would you like me to teach you? -SH_

_Received 5:27 a.m.: If you have any difficulty with him, you are authorized to call emergency personnel to take him to A&E. Thank you for your assistance._

_Sent 5:40 a.m.: They're taking me home. -SH_

_Sent 5:42 a.m.: Can I type now? -SH_

_Sent 5:48 a.m.: I hate police cars. -SH_

_Received 5:50 a.m.: It's fine, Sherlock. You just need some sleep. Don't worry. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. -JW_

_Sent 5:51 a.m.: Police cars are more boring than sleep. -SH_

_Received 5:53 a.m.: Sleep isn't boring. -JW_

_Sent 5:53 a.m.: Is. -SH_

_Received 5:54 a.m.: If you were mine, I'd make you sleep. -JW_

_Sent 5:55 a.m.: How? -SH_

_Received 5:57 a.m.: Exactly how I'm doing it now. I'd tell you to sleep, and you would, for me. -JW_

_Sent 5:58 a.m.: You said you'd stay with me. ? -SH_

_Received 6:01 a.m.: I will. I'll be right here. But that doesn't mean you can keep texting me just to make certain. -JW_

_Sent 6:02 a.m.: No proof, then. -SH_

_Received 6:04 a.m.: Do you need proof from me? -JW_

_Sent 6:10 a.m.: No. It's not very logical, though, is it? -SH_

_Received 6:12 a.m.: Does it have to be? -JW_

_Sent 6:15 a.m.: Yes. But it isn't. -SH_

_Received 6:20 a.m.: Because you know I'll be here for you. You don't need proof. Logic has nothing to do with it. -JW_

_Received 6:24 a.m.: You need sleep. -JW_

_Sent 6:25 a.m.: Am almost home. -SH_

_Received 6:27 a.m.: Will you sleep? -JW_

_Sent 6:28 a.m.: Rather stay here. -SH_

_Sent 6:29 a.m.: Not in the police car. Texting. -SH_

_Received 6:33 a.m.: Are you home? -JW_

_Sent 6:34 a.m.: Yes. -SH_

_Received 6:35 a.m.: Will you sleep? -JW_

_Sent 6:36 a.m.: If you insist. -SH_

_Received 6:39 a.m.: I'm not going to ask again, Sherlock._

_Sent 6:40 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH_

_Received 6:43: a.m.: Thank you, Sherlock. Sleep well. -JW_


End file.
